Me too.

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight.

Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down.

We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and took her to the vet.

We didn't know what to call her, so we named her "Pussycat."

The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her.

My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks."

He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him.

My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye.

The vet calls my husband El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'.

They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.

The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet.

The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor.

A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive.

He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, "Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more and it's finally clean and shaved, so she now smells like a rose.

Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant.

God only knows who the father is!"

Then he closed the door.



Now THAT, my friends, is getting even.

__________________
[COLOR="Red"]I have the right foot of Subaru death![/COLOR]

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
365hp and 515nm

New Beast to arrive April 2015 - 365hp, 450nm, 0-100 in 4.4sec. AMG Goodness!

How tough is Mike Hussey...?

When Mike Hussey goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets Mike
Hussey.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Mike


Hussey.

Mike Hussey counted to infinity - twice.

Mike Hussey invented every colour. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

When Mike Hussey does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing
the Earth down.

Mike Hussey hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Mike Hussey gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Mike Hussey can slam a revolving door.

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Mike Hussey can piss his name
into concrete.

Mike Hussey once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Mike Hussey's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one
fools Mike Hussey.

Mike Hussey can speak Braille.

Mike Hussey's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

Superman owns a pair of Mike Hussey pyjamas.

Mike Hussey owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the


1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get
out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4
card from the game Uno.

Mike Hussey sleeps with a night light. Not because Mike Hussey is afraid of


the dark, but the dark is afraid of Mike Hussey.

Mike Hussey doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they


touch his body.

Once a cobra bit Mike Hussey's leg. After five days of excruciating pain,
the cobra died.

Mike Hussey divides by zero.

Mike Hussey is always on top during sex because Mike Hussey never fucks up.

When Mike Hussey exercises, the machine gets stronger.

Mike Hussey doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

Mike Hussey sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled cricketing ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalised, Mike slog swept the devil in the face and took his soul back.
The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should
have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the
month.

Mike Hussey can kill two stones with one bird.

Mike Hussey once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil.

Mike Hussey once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a
friend that the expression "shitting bricks" wasn't just a figure of
speech.

The only time Mike Hussey was wrong was when he thought he had made a
mistake.

__________________
[COLOR="Red"]I have the right foot of Subaru death![/COLOR]

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
365hp and 515nm

New Beast to arrive April 2015 - 365hp, 450nm, 0-100 in 4.4sec. AMG Goodness!

i got more...

Parrots....

A lady approaches a priest and says to him, "Father I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing"

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say..... Hi, we're prostitutes, d'ya wanna have some fun?"

"That's terrible!" exclaimed the priest, "but I have a solution to your problem .

Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male parrots who I have taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach yours to stop saying that terrible phrase and will learn to praise and worship instead.

"Thank you" the woman responded.

The next day the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house.

His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

The woman put her two female parrots in with the two male parrots and the females immediately said "Hi, we're prostitutes, d'ya wanna have some fun?"


>>> One male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims "Put the f ***ing beads down Frank, our prayers have been answered!!"

hhaha Gold guys!

lol, those mike hussey ones are just the chuck norris ones renamed.

Hahahahah... I love the El Nino Essay!!

__________________
www.ToonMyRide.com.au

'04 E46 S/C M3 Coupe

And they are still gold!!

__________________
www.ToonMyRide.com.au

'04 E46 S/C M3 Coupe

Some i found...

12 of the finest double-entendres aired on British TV & Radio.

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator -

"And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it
was amazing!"

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator -

"Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator -

"This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 -

"Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the
Cox of the Oxford crew."

5. US PGA Commentator -

"One of the reasons Arnold Palmer is playing so well is that, before
each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls
and kisses them ..... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live'
said: -

"You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

7. A female newsreader who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and
didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked,

"So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too,
because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters:

"Ballesteros felt much better today after getting a 69 yesterday."

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:

"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like
this."

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:

"Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male
astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse

"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only
come in his shorts."

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open:

"Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it
by himself."

__________________
[COLOR="Red"]I have the right foot of Subaru death![/COLOR]

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
365hp and 515nm

New Beast to arrive April 2015 - 365hp, 450nm, 0-100 in 4.4sec. AMG Goodness!

bahahah cyanide and happiness FTW!!!

and those others are gold..
you know,its really hard to sit in a quite office and then try not to laugh randomly out loud.. if you do people give you funny looks.. but hey i get used to it hahhaha

__________________
Team Black
01 Forester GT