^^^ Ramsay is a legend..

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I'm a jockey kunts...

**Diary of a Karratha Summer (by a Pom****)**
>
> *August 31st*
>
> *Just got transferred with work into our new home in Karratha,
> Western Australia now this is a town that knows how to live!!
> Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I
> watched the sunset from a deck chair on the verandah It was
> beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.*
>
> *September 13th:*
>
> *Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an
> air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure
> to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun
> worshiper.*
>
> *September 30th:*
>
> *Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of
> palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for
> me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.*
>
> *October 10th*
>
> *The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get
> used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though.
> But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.*
>
> *October 15th:*
>
> *Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.
> Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson
> though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.*
>
> *October 20th:*
>
> *I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this
> morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died
> and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000
> leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now
> smells like Wiskettes and cat sh*t. I learned my lesson though.
>No
> more pets in this heat.*
>
> *October 25th:*
>
> *The wind sucks. It feels like a giant f**kin blow dryer!! And it's
> hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC
> repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to
> order parts.*
>
> *October 30th:*
>
> *Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody
> $600,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come
> here?*
>
> *November 4th:*
>
> *It's 38 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today.
> It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but the bloody
> humidity makes the house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman.
> I hate this stupid f**kin place.** *
>
> *November 8th:*
>
> *If another wise arse cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going
> to f**kin throttle him. F**kin heat! By the time I get to work the
> car's radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soakin f**kin wet,
> and I smell like baked cat!!*
>
> *November 9th:*
>
> *Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the
> black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my f**kin arse was
> on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my
> legs and my f**kin arse. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried
> arse, and baked cat.*
>
> *November 10th:*
>
> *The weather report might as well be a f**kin recording. Hot and
> sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and f**kin sunny. It's been too hot to
> do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might
> really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn f**kin
> place? Water rationing will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms
> just might dry up and blow into the f**kin pool. Even the palms
> can't live in this f*kin heat.*
>
> *November 14th:*
>
> *Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 41 today. Now the
> air-conditioner's gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and
> said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $2,500
> mortgage payment to bail my arse out of jail for assulting the
> stupid f**ker. F**k Karratha! What kind of a sick demented f**kin
> idiot would want to live here?*
>
> *December 1st:*
>
> *WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You are f**kin
> kiddin*

this made my day, i miss high school....lol

__________________
Chinese Mexican
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

Hurricane Shazza hit Kwinana in the early hours of Saturday 31 May 2008.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering 'Faaackinell'.

The hurricane devastated the area causing approximately $30 worth of damage.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their Centrelink cheques arrived. The Kwinana Times reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were
still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Kwinana.

One resident - Tracy Maree Sharon Britney Madonna Smith, a 15-year old mother of 5 said 'It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two Joachim and River slept through it all.'

Apparently, looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.

The Australian Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Bacardi-Breezers to the area to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including Health Care Cards, Jewellery from Kmart, and Bone China from Big W.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include: flannelette shirts, tight blue jeans or spandex, singlets (blue & white) white sport socks, Ugg boots and any other items usually sold in Priceline or The Reject Shop.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs urgently needed include: Microwave meals, Baked beans, Ice cream, Chips, Fizzy drinks.

Donations of $15.00 will be taken to buy a packet of Winny blue 25's and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.


**Breaking news**


Kwinana Uniting Church has cancelled their local 'Nativity Display' due to their inability to find three wise men or a virgin.

Please don't forward this to anyone living in Kwinana - oh, stuff it, they won't be able to read it, anyway!

__________________
Balls.

Quality ROLMFAO

LMAO at killer instinct c-c-c-c-combo breaker