EAGLES SCHOOL*

Punching in the Gonads 101 - Daniel Kerr and Adam Hunter. Great introductory course for those who would like a bit of biffo, but are too scared to do it properly.

Pharmacology 101 - Daniel Kerr will detail the processes involved in stealing prescription pads and writing out for Valium.

Civil Liberties for Footballers - Tangled up with underworld figures? Embroiled in a shooting? No longer as problem as Gardiner and Cousins explain that footballers are not required to assist police (or the community in general) in their
investigations.

Pharmacology 201 (prerequisite Pharmacology 101) - Kerr, Cousins, Gardiner, Chick, and many more explain the benefits of drugs, both human and equine.


Free Kick Hypnotism - learn from the master Judd how winning a premiership and a Brownlow can hypnotise the umpires and allow you to get away with anything.

Car Chases for beginners - "The big Unit" (and fine actor) Quentin Lynch tells how to drive from cops whilst drunk, park car and run. No prerequisites.

Wife Beating (Advanced) - Taken Jeffrey's introductory course but want to take it to a new level? Then come along to Daniel Chick's masterclass that will have your spouse and child leaving the country in no time! Special guest presenter Sampi will show you how to use a knife for added effect.

Booze Bus Avoidance - Spiritual leader Ben Cousins outlines all the tactics to avoid a booze bus including leaving your partner stranded on the side of the road, swimming for safety and where to hide illegal contraband in case of capture. Not to be missed.

Night Life (Basic) - Embley, Cousins, Kerr, Waters and many more current day players share their insight into drunken yobbo behaviour. Topics covered include fighting each other, fighting the public and how it brings families
closer together (with special guest appearance by Roger Kerr).

Night Life (Advanced) - Not at a nightclub/pub and no one to fight? No longer should it be a problem. The master himself, Daniel Kerr shows that with the basic setting of a taxi at a hospital, a drunken rampage is still possible.

Modern Language - Michael Braun explores the issues surrounding modern language.

Travel Tips for non
travellers - In a foreign country with no pulse? ....... Let Chad Fletcher outline how to extract the most out of another countries health system. Topics include 1..2..3 Clear, Fastest Way to Hospital and Hospital records ........what hospital records?

Acting for non actors - In the twilight of your career and not getting enough attention.
Holding a grudge against an opposition player. Then come along as Daniel Chick teaches how to get a striking charge laid against an opponent ......... Without you even being on the football field at the time. Teaches both dramatic and comedic skills.

Morals and Decency - No place in modern day football - the young guru himself Adam Selwood explains why making derogatory comments about women in general and paedophilic comments about an opponents children is okay - as long as it puts him off his game !! No age restrictions apply

Leadership and Taking Responsibility - Cancelled as no lecturer could be found.

*Eagles School takes no responsibility however for any illegal activities that result from these courses. Nor will they punish you however.