Perth-WRX.com - LEARN 2 MERGE: The Successful Failure

Before you start, yes this did require its own thread. My ego is just too big for the stickie'd Learn2Merge thread. :p
Oh and NB: I have nothing against Forrestfield (as you will read), but I needed something to make the story a little more exciting.

And before continuing, please feel free to take a hot shower, put on a nice clean dressing gown, fill your glass of expensive Brandy and light up your favourite genuine Cuban: I have a success story to tell and it shalln't be told in haste.
Lastly, stay your tongue (or fingers) from informing me of how 'homosexual' this thread is or I shall remove it (or them).

Let us begin.

We've all experienced, from time to time, difficulty on our Australian roads: be it negotiating a challenging parking manouver; overtaking a rather long vehicle or even the simple task of merging. Unfortunately, I just had a rather unpleasant experience with the latter on my way home from work.

I promised myself I would avoid paraphrasing and direct quotes to cut down on post length, but I am afraid I simply must do it in order to fully convey my point.
Located at the following link is a fantastic up-and-coming site called LEARN2MERGE ( [url]http://learn2merge.net/[/url] ).
Many people here on Perth-WRX would already be aware of its existance and how it is currently being shaped into something truely helpfull to the 'Average Joe'. Dissapointingly, very few people outside of these forums are aware of the site and, in fact, even less seem to know how to merge. What? They are unaware of how to do a basic road maneuver? Surely not.

Well surely you jest*.

* not even really sure what this means but Kramer said it once and it sounded appropriate to put in here somewhere. Now get back to reading the rest of this fantastically pretentious story about me. And if you don't like it so far... just drink some more Brandy.

More.

More..

C'mon guzzle that shit! You call that drinking!!

Good. Now go fill up your glass again and start again from the top. Maybe now you'll appreciate my story.

You alco.
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Ok enough of this 'I'm from the 17th century' talking crap and paraphrasing etc. Here it is:

On the way home on Kalamunda road going East-bound towards the hills, I had to merge from 2 lanes to 1. (Some people may know the intersection of Kala rd and Great Eastern Hwy). Just before this merge point (which is after a set of traffic lights), there is the place where they keep the CAT trucks. There seems to be many a young P-plater in a Commie or Ford who finishes work @ 3:30pm and decides to show off to their mates by how big a skid they can rip when they leave work.
They take off from there, full of adrenalin, and if they're lucky get through the green light before it goes red.

On this occasion, I was already through the light and already taking all appropriate steps to merge when a P-plater in a falcon came through the light, went past 3 cars he shouldn't have (it was unsafe to go ahead of them as the road had curbs either side and it had pretty much formed one lane already) and slotted in.
Here's what counts: I was the final person he snuck past before he slotted in - still with his rear door level with my front bumper!

I was 3/4 through the motion of getting my hands in position so as to stear my front into his rear and 'pit' manouver him off the road when something niggled my mind..

Something I had seen before...

Something wise once written which was burned into my memory.

I aborted my pit attempt and followed safely, adrenaline coarsing through my veins, throbbing in my mind, making my hands twitch and my breathing shallow. My mind worked at a thousand miles an hour - what was it I was thinking? What could I possibly do to this idiot to pay him back for his total lack of road rule knowledge, lack of common courtesy and, most importantly, stupid agressive driving?

Then it hit me. That niggling thought I had before had pushed its way up from the subconscious of my mind into the conscious! And at the next set of red lights it transfered its way through to physical movement. Stopped just two cars behind the Falcon, I put my body's motor skills into action. I rummaged through the glove box, searching for the only weapon I knew would be effective against this evil being in the deadly Falcon. The adrenaline was so strong I had trouble locating it, but finally I found it:

A sheet of usable paper and a pen.

Quickly I scribbled my counter-attacking message on the paper, all the while knowing full-well that at any moment the lights could change to green and I would loose my opportunity to help make the world a better place. I would need to continue my journey forward, to my home; and the P-plater Falcon would be turning right to Forrestfield - a place not even a 22B would dare set tred (see what I did there?). I had a short window to attack, and it was slipping through my fingers with each passing second.

Suddenly it was done. My scrawled message was complete and ready to give to the P-plater Falcon driver. All I needed to do was alight, run to the typically-boganish open window of his car and throw it in, like a cooked grenade. It was easy!

But I hesitated. Thoughts ran through my mind. What if I failed? What if the window was up? What if he had a gun? What if the light turned green just before I got there and he got away, leaving me blocking traffic and majorly embbarrased with people beeping and yelling abuse?

"NO! I am not afraid!" I thought. This was not how it was going to end: me in my car, scared like a girl and the evil P-plater Falcon getting away to merge badly another day. He had to be stopped, and I was the only one in the world who could.

In the next instant, before I even realised what I was doing, I was out of my car and running up to the evil P-plater Falcon. The adrenaline had taken over my body and now I was running like a man possessed.

I got to the window - thank fu*k it was open and the light still red - and thrust the note in his face. He took it, and before being able to read it I said, in a voice riddled with anger, andrenaline and pure hate: "Read it and learn, mother fu*ker".

And with that I ran back to my car, just as the light turned green, and made my way home as the evil P-plater Falcon turned off into the very depths of hell itself.

I can only imagine what he will make of my message to him. I just pray that he does what is right.

So what was it that was written on that one peice of paper that will possibly change the world forever? What was it that could mean the road will never be the same again? What was it that could be the official start of people retaliating against bad drivers?

Just one phrase.

One simple, simple phrase.

LEARN2MERGE.net

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