Yeah it's a joke you have to say, not type, just though people might find it funny and say it to their friends

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MY99 - Powered by Autronic, tuned by Race Torque.

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Ben Cousins only gets suspended for 12 months by the AFL. Joke of the freaking year surely....

Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his sleeping wife. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white Robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Dave, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"

The mysterious man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter."

Dave was stunned "You mean I'm dead!?!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family. You've got to send me back straight away."

St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
'This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"

"It's not so bad" replies Dave, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode." "You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't
tell me you've never laid an egg before?" "Never!" replies Dave. "Well just relax and let it happen"

So he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.

When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him . . . Ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting...

"Dave, wake up you drunken bastard, you've SHIT the bed"

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquillity had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple" The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona, and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."

"We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, "That's twice." We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

I SHOUTED at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that? Are you f*ckin crazy!?" She looked at ME, and quietly said, "That's once."

And from that moment..... we have lived happily every after.

We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly kissing the evening horizon. The warm breeze was full of that earthly, musky scent that only those fortunate enough to live outside the urban rat race know, and quiet whispering of the leaves in the Weeping Willow overhead added the final touch to the most romantic scene.

We lay there, both naked, I knew I had to have her and have her now. Without a word being spoken, I managed to move myself to a position of dominance. I could feel instantly that this was what she had been waiting for as she frantically thrust her pelvis at my approaching organ.

As sexual tension heightened towards the inevitable mind-blowing climax, it was all I could do to hold out until the moment we had been both waiting for was upon us. As it did we rolled together in the now damp grass.

As the last deep orange glow of the long set sun melted into the darkness of approaching night, as we lay there still entwined in an amorous embrace, I kissed her long and loving and whispered how good she had been, she tenderly and sensuously licked my inner ear and whispered: "Baaaa", then re-joined the flock.

Bahahaha!


Chrus, is this getting you all warm inside??

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[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Honourable Member for The Darkside

MY07 Mitsubishi Ralliart Colt

HA! Thats Fantastic!

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2016 Subaru Outback - Work Wagon
350NM of CVT Goodness
Pit Crew, shit talker.

The Labour party today announced that its going to change the Australian emblem from an Emu and Kangaroo to a condom.

This is because it reflects the Labour Party’s political stance more accurately. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security whilst your actually being fucked!!

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Funny looking German Subaru

Labor once again copying Liberal policy.... Meetoooooooooo

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[S]kid[S]

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table.

A very attractive blonde woman from Alabama arrived
....and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a
single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much
luckier when I play topless."

With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice;
and yelled, "Come on, baby.... This Southern Girl
needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down...
and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers... and then picked up
her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally,
one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know...
I thought you were watching."

Moral of this story ---
Not all Southerners are stupid.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But, all men ..... are men