Julia Gillard was seated next to a little girl on a Qantas airplane so she turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said Julia. "How about global warming, universal health care, or stimulus packages?" as she smiled smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The PM visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."






















To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care, or the economy, when you don't know sh_t?" and then she went back to reading her book.

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[COLOR=Black]Liberty GT Spec B tuned 240 HP & 372 Nm at the hubs.[/COLOR] "Instead of banning high performance cars - ban low performance drivers"

diffrerence between n abo and a park bench.. a bench can support a family

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06 sti

Difference between Qld's Labor Party and a Toyota Tarago?

^^ A Tarago has more seats...

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[I][COLOR=indigo]Soon-to-be Mrs Bacon [/COLOR][/I]

Weather Report Australian Style:

It was April and the Aboriginals in a remote part of Northern Australia asked their new elder if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was an elder in a modern community he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the tribe should collect firewood to be prepared.

But being a practical leader, after several days he had an idea.

He walked out to the telephone booth on the highway, called the Bureau of Meteorology and asked, 'Is the coming winter in this area going to be cold?'

The meteorologist responded, 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold.'

So the elder went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.

A week later he called the Bureau of Meteorology again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'

The meteorologist again replied, 'Yes, it's going to be a very cold winter.'

The elder again went back to his community and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later the elder called the Bureau again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' he asked.

'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever.'

'How can you be so sure?' the elder asked.

The weatherman replied, 'Our satellites have reported that the Aboriginals in the north are collecting firewood like crazy, and that's always a sure sign.'

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2005 WRX STI

Unfaithful Wife

A woman takes a lover during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The husband comes home so she puts her lover in the closet, not knowing her son is already in there.

Son: Dark in here
Man: Yes it is
Son: I have a baseball
Man: Thats nice
Son: Want to buy it?
Man: no thanks
Son: My dad is outside
Man: Ok, how much?
Son: $250
Man:....Ok

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the man are in the closet together.

Son: Dark in here
Man: Yes it is
Son: I have a baseball glove
Man:..How much?
Son:$750
Man: #!@$ Fine!

A few days later, the father says to the boy

Dad: Grab your glove, let's go outside and play catch
Son: I can't, I sold my glove and ball
Dad: How much did you sell them for?
Son: $1000
Dad: That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.

They goto church and the father makes the boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

Son: Dark in here
Priest: Don't start that shit again!

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-2009 Evo X GSR-

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground, and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist, and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,' she told him. 'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied.
He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position...still clasping his hands at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants, and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel?' 'Feels great,' he replied, 'but I still think my thumb's broken!'

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-2009 Evo X GSR-

one liners pommy style;

A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheelchair.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said I would like to come back as a cow. I said you’re obviously not listening.

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London. Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.

Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.

They've had to cancel the panto 'Jack & the Beanstalk' in Birmingham , Bristol , Oldham , Bradford , Burnley , Leicester , Luton and London : Apparently the giant couldn't smell any Englishmen.

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2005 WRX STI

I just lost my shit laughing.

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[I]trolololol[/I]

A beautiful blonde called her boyfriend and says,

"please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.

The boyfriend asks "well...what is supposed to be when it's finished"

The blonde replies..."well, according to the box, it's a Rooster"

The boyfriend goes over to help her with the puzzle, where she lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, looks at the box, then turns to her and says.

"first of all, no matter what we do, we are never going to be able to assemble those pieces into anything resembling a rooster"

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a cup of tea, and then.......


Let's put all these CornFlakes back in the box.

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2005 WRX STI