Knowing that it is my last do for a week and heading off to the Gold Coast tomorrow.
Whoo hooo

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Return of the Droid

Audi driving day at Barbs for my birthday

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[COLOR=Black]Liberty GT Spec B tuned 240 HP & 372 Nm at the hubs.[/COLOR] "Instead of banning high performance cars - ban low performance drivers"

What Audi's did you get to drive?

I'm currently hammering my dads S4 whilst on holidays in Sydney

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....slow and steady wins the race....fark that!!

Wait over mofo
1x Stilo helmet and 1x OMP harness being dispatched form the UK as we speak

woot woot

My waits over too. Some fuckers are doing some shit to my car.

Makes me happy.

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Fuck your signature

my big penis

/end

No idea ... But for the cost better be good.

Not looking gift Audi in the mouth ..

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[COLOR=Black]Liberty GT Spec B tuned 240 HP & 372 Nm at the hubs.[/COLOR] "Instead of banning high performance cars - ban low performance drivers"

Awesome customer service at STechnic makes me happy. Absolute legends.

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Ryan

Rally Sprint. 25 days...

What makes me happy today?? Knowing that my arse is no longer being sodomised by the Middle Eastern stomach virus I caught on Wednesday.

Since Thursday morning, I've been pissing the internal lining of my stomach and intestines out of my arsehole at extremely high velocity, multiple times a day. At one count, i went to the bathroom 23 times in a single day, and thats just the waking hours.

I was over in Dubai at the time, and trying to find a toilet whilst out wasn't always the easiest.. especially before morning prayers, when everyone is trying to shit and piss before having to pray.. in which case you gotta line up.

A few times whilst in line at the public toilets, I started actually praying to Allah myself, hoping that my gamble with what I was hoping was a fart, would pay off.. the locals thought I was one of them and started chanting "ALLAHU AKHBAR" a few times too.

In the Middle East, Muslims don't wipe their arse with toilet paper, they use water jets to clean their arses. This was a god send (or Allah send, whichever way you look at it), because I was able to use this to my advantage.. trying to wipe a sphincter that has just copped a raping from several hundred ml of stomach acid isn't the smartest idea. The best method was "spray and pat". Spray with the warm water, pat dry very carefully with the toilet paper.

It got to a point where I felt like I was giving birth out of my arse, such was the pain.. I now sympathise with any man who bends over without looking both ways first whilst in an African-American gay bar.

I got the doctor to come and visit me at the hotel, he confirmed the news.. very common issue in Dubai, because the predominantly Indian/Pakistani/Bangladeshi population don't wash their hands properly and usually have faeces under their nails from using their hands to clean their arses, so I could have caught this from food prep, holding a hand rail somewhere, etc. A very specific type of antibiotic sorts it out, but it takes a few days to clear up. He checked my arse out too and confirmed the sphincter had swollen up so much from the liquid propulsion, that it had shut itself completely, thus the pain I was having.

Before the anti-biotics kicked in, it got to a point that I was torn between eating or not eating. Eat food, and suffer the consequences out of my arse 25-30 mins later. Don't eat, and get massive stomach cramps due to gas build up. In the end, I played off the swollen sphincter against the stomach cramps. I stopped eating, and when I felt a massive cramp, I'd push as hard as I can, knowing that nothing but wind would come out of my arse due to the swelling, and leaving any liquid shit build up behind. This worked beautifully for about a day.. to a point where I was sure that I was defying physics. I reckon I could have started up my own reverse osmosis setup and started turning sea water into drinking water with this rig.

Then the anti-biotics kicked in, and obviously some of the swelling went down. Felt some cramping and went for the push. I lost the gamble. Lucky for me I was 5m away from the toilet, I managed to get myself there whilst isolating the fallout of my failed gamble to my jocks.

It started subsiding from there, but I'm still not that hungry and still feel sick every time I look at a hand rail or a Paki.. and its something I never want to go through ever again.